Tuesday, May 14, 2013

What's missing?

I was rushing back and forth from our local Board of Education and my office when my inner wood nymph was called by this amazing field. It was such a perfect setting and picture. It called to me to put down my phone, set aside my rushing, go grab some kids and play. Climb its fence, push on its football dummies, run the baseball diamond. This field was lonely, underused, unappreciated. This field called to me and I wanted to answer but I couldn't and the shame of it is most of the kids in the area wouldn't even know what to do on those fields.

By the time I was 10, the same age of my eldest daughter, I had played soccer, t-ball, softball, volleyball, basketball, ballet and cheer leading. I thought of all the opportunities that had been provided to me. I don't remember my parents ever telling me no. Of course they denied my pony request - although my girl Lisa got one, I remember being like wait your parents actually bought you a horse for Christmas?! But I digress as usual. So just about anything I wanted to dabble in was indulged with the one requirement that I must finish. Except for the one track meet where I fell out in the middle of the field and my dad carried me over the finish line.

Of course guilt over every missed opportunity for my children. They hadn't taken the lessons. How would they survive? What type of deprived lives have I given them? Will they recover? My goodness one look at my Facebook feed and Pintrest Boards and I'm seriously behind the curve. Hell I'm here getting my finger prints for my first field trip and its MAY!!! Its the last one of the year and DJ constantly looks at me like "are you really going to be able to get off" "Are you coming mom?" "Jabari's mom came to the museum AND the aquarium".... My God. I'm missing everything. I'm MISSING it.

So I pick them up from aftercare and we head home and begin the insanity of 2 hours to check homework eat dinner, get in bed and it starts to rain.

I think of the field that I passed. The field that called to my barefoot loving, folk neosoul and I call the kids to look out at the rain. DJ looks up and wants to feel it. So I let him. Then we all follow. I even grab Yezel and she lifts her little hand and we dance. And I realize I'm not missing. I'm right where I need to be.

Just Enough Room for Love. 

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